15 things you need (not) know about heroes

Many people like watching or reading stuff about heroes, because it inspires them in some ways – that bad things can be prevented from happening, lives can be saved, odds can be beaten. But not many of them really give a thought to what it means to be a hero. I will tell you.

The first ting you need to understand is that heroes exist in real life. I know for sure because I met one, for better or worse. Fiction authors aren't that good to invent something non-existent, the more that you can basically see all the same traits between them. While most of these traits faithfully describe mandatory hero characteristics, they don’t usually give the whole picture. Due to this heroes are seen in some kind of romantic haze. Well, let me bring you back to earth. Life is always more complicated and interesting but also often much more sad.

Here is what you need to know about heroes, that is usually not part of the icon.

1.     Heroes are abnormal

This should be obvious, since they do all this crazy stuff despite and instead of their best interests unlike everybody else living for their own one and only good.

The reason probably lies somewhere in their childhood where there was no-one appreciating them for the simple reason nobody could match their abilities, and that's the very same reason they feel responsibility for everyone else, their lesser kin.

2.     Heroes are unhappy

How could anyone be happy without having a life of their own? Well, they don't and they are not. Not in a conventional sense. They live for helping others, and draw satisfaction from it, although the receiving party is rarely grateful, why – below.

Of course, they dream of personal happiness but with their conscience, they don't feel like they deserve to be happy while there's any suffering around. And there is always someone to save.

Although this isn't statistical. For some reason they mostly attract (or seek?) troublesome people and situations, much more than any average person.

Psychological dissection says it's because they're unhappy with themselves and thus try to fix everything outside. Although this is apparently due to a totally false sense of fault, probably instilled in them at tender age by emotionally dysfunctional parents, who didn't see the miracle they produced behind the suffering in their own head, instilled by their own parents, and so on.

3.     Heroes are usually poor

Because it’s not a job that pays. And they don’t do it for money. For them it’s about survival. Their own and the lucky ones who got their help.

Even you wouldn’t care about comfort or money when your very life is in question. For them it’s every day. So they get used to disregard their own needs, meaning they can as easily disregard yours when it comes to anything above survival.

That also means they are very low-maintenance people, which is good if you’d be the one to maintain them, otherwise don’t expect much material support if you’re a close one. Their mind is simply on much more crucial matters and menial daily worries are really below them.

4.     Heroes are aggressive

Aggression is what it takes to beat the odds. Heroes don’t accept the situation, they try to change it. And when they encounter resistance, they either break it or find another way.

Aggression is the attribute of expansion. In other terms, you cannot do it your way among people without rebuffing a few expectations, or sometimes the source itself of the most persistent ones. This is why kind people are most often offended – because they take it. Heroes don’t. So you better behave around them ;)

5.     Heroes aren’t fearless

Without fear, providing the sense of danger, necessary to avoid it, nobody can survive for long, just like without pain alarming you of the harm coming to your body.

Moreover, fear is the flip side of anger, fuelled by the same hormones (adrenalin and noradrenalin) differing only in proportions. So they can be mechanically switched by either running or attacking the source of danger - the so-called "run or fight" dichotomy.

Heroes face their fear and are trained to turn it to aggression. Your instinct is run from danger, theirs – towards it, to eliminate. They usually ride the adrenaline waves very well, and in all probability, like it a lot. So when there is no danger, they go out to find some.

6.     Heroes are paranoid

First of all, it’s a prerequisite for jobs like security or police – they constantly scan the area for signs of danger. The resulting habit is called “professional deformation” — occupational hazard. Only hero is not a job but a calling, meaning this is 24/7.

We live in a scary world, just most of us can afford to ignore it most of the time; they can't. One cannot fight evil if he doesn’t see it. So they chose to not close their eyes and saw the dark side of life; moreover they chose to deal with it.

They simply know what can happen, but you would not believe them. You’d be too scared to acknowledge some of this stuff exists at all, let alone in your immediate vicinity. You wouldn’t be able to live with that knowledge. So, protected by you subconscious from ever considering if any of this can be true, you gesture “wacko” and call it paranoia.

Of course, not every their concern turns out to be justified, but if they didn’t have them, it would be too easy to catch them off guard and – boom, dead hero. As it was said somewhere: “If you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean you aren’t being followed”.

7.     Heroes are ruthless

Taking responsibility for other people requires selflessness. But it isn’t kindness. Responsiveness to others people's troubles is necessary to fulfil their heroic purpose, but that’s it. That’s the limit of their sensibility.

Mercy is a virtue they can't afford. Not in action. They may feel sorry for a bad guy they are about to take down, but they cannot let him go, because he'll do more harm. They have to do the right thing, no matter the feelings, theirs or yours.

Their solutions won’t be kind but they will be efficient. They cannot afford to compromise. They cannot take into account everybody’s interests, only rights. And that brings us to justice – not for one person but for all. But you won’t appreciate it because you can't see the whole picture, past a single’s person interests (usually yours). So you will typically call them cruel, even if it’s your right they restore.

There is a Russian saying comparing exaggerated mercy to cutting dog's mutilated tale off by pieces. That’s what you often do without even realising it, say, when you want to break up with someone but avoid telling them so, from fear to invoke anger and suffer some scenes. Heroes don’t have that problem, as they are proficient in making choices between poor and worse and picking the lesser of terrible sacrifices in situations where you would be paralysed by any of the options.

8.     Heroes are despots

They are hyper-responsible. Meaning, normally we should be responsible for our own actions and that’s it. But heroes feel responsibility for people around because they can protect them. So they take responsibility for them and that engenders expectations from their part, even demands – to not complicate their protective efforts, at least, or to appreciate it, at most. But since other people usually didn’t ask for it, they may feel somewhat hijacked.

All the more that, in order to protect, they need to control the circumstances, which means they need to control you – where you are, what you do, what you wear, who do you talk to and how and so on. Many people will find it being an invasion of privacy, violation of personal space, or just plainly annoying (depending on your preferred or available level of putting it). But that's the price you pay for someone else taking care of your safety, which would be plainly stated in a written contract if you were to hire someone for this purpose, or if we’d like to remember our childhood ;)

9.     Heroes are cocky

They are smart. Their instantaneous decisions must take into account most possible options and outcomes, as close to reality as possible, otherwise they wouldn't survive for long in this line of work. And smart people are often either condescending or scornful in everyday talks.

They are quick. They don’t hesitate. It is crucial for them to take decisions quickly and act upon them instantaneously without second-guessing, because their life and sometimes the lives of others depend on it. But it means verbal retaliation will be just as fast and unpleasant. You stand no chance.

They are bold. Tactical advantage is often gained via risky unexpected actions, especially while at disadvantage, which is often the case with heroes and they know how to surprise very well. Obviously they use this skill in everyday life too and may easily take you to the cleaners.

They are successful in achieving their goals. Otherwise they would be dead. And these are no mere shopping goals. Such results add real weight to their self-confidence. If you don’t like presumptuous, they’re your worst nightmare.

10. Heroes are unreachable

They are very sensitive. It is part of intelligence required to quickly build strategies they absolutely need to survive. But it makes them vulnerable, they know it and this is why they usually don't let anyone too close.

This sensitivity makes them able to connect to people directly and deeply – to evaluate them, among other things, and they can show genuine candidness to an almost complete stranger. But make no mistake - the moment you try to set foot on their private territory you will be shut off and none of your usual half-instinctive moves will work because for them it's like undergraduate pick-pocket to a con-artist of the highest class.

The only exception if they really like you and don't mind a shag, they will let you play it, but it's always time limited because - see above - not too interested in usual pleasures of life. They don't mind them, of course, but relationships tend to yield complications and that is a hindrance to their mission, and comparing to their usual level of decisions, even no sacrifice at all.

11. Heroes are lonely

They can rely only on themselves, because they can handle problems better than anyone around. Also because people around look up to them or rely on them. What’s worse – many folks try to use them, make such an excellent resource work for their benefit. They don’t really see the person who hurts no less than anyone, but is just better at handling it, like at everything else…

Nobody from their surroundings can really understand them because nobody matches their abilities and nobody went through the same.

Nobody’s gone that far, had to re-evaluate everything that’s usually taught, adjust it to reality.

Nobody’s taken such responsibilities or decisions, nor lived with the consequences of those.

And nobody has such high standards and principles, so their loyalty gets often repaid with formal betrayal although it’s just people thinking only of themselves. At the very least, even grateful people can never repay them with the same self-sacrifice. That is part of the deal – hero is a giver, not taker.

And even if a good appreciating person comes their way, they often have to rebuff them. Firstly, because they believe they have no right for happiness. Secondly, because they believe they don’t deserve it after all they had to do on their path. Thirdly, because they lead a dangerous life and cannot put someone good in danger via closeness to them. Not to mention creating such a vulnerability as someone they really care about, would be very unwise.

12. Heroes are hated

There are enough reasons for bad feelings listed above but it’s not a complete list.

People fear them because of their power.

People are jealous of their brilliance.

People judge them for sticking out of the crowd and not following general levelling rules.

People curse them for doing the right things correcting their wrong.

Finally, the very people they help sometimes blame them for something ridiculous just because the measure of good done to them surpasses their ability for gratitude and their only choice remains to find any fault which would relieve them from the need to feel grateful (happens a lot!).

13. Heroes will kick your ass

Practice make masters, and they do it a lot. Not because they have a strong will - they have literally nothing better to do than save someone and perfect their skills in the meantime. There is nothing quite as interesting for them.

We, the bystanders, entertain ourselves mostly with games, but they aren't for real. Once you know the taste of real achievements, you can never be satisfied with simulations. That's why.

Since they spend most of their time perfecting their skills, they often achieve performance, which could seem almost supernatural, although it's nothing you and I wouldn't be able to do, had we given it nearly as much time. Many geniuses said it's only 5% talent and 95% hard work. You can figure from that how many chances you stand against them.

14. Heroes will steal your heart

They are more free than you and I coz they get to do all this real stuff at the edge of life and death. Free people better express themselves and it’s like a bright light in a fog of average frogs.

Achievements give power and power attracts people, and the power ‘over death’ – much more than just money or authority. Toss in the integrity of a true hero and that makes an almost inescapable trap.

Why do you think we like so much movies and series about them? Now imagine you met one like this in real life. You're better off, because afterwards normal people will be too pale for you.

15. You cannot become a hero because you wish so

It should be obvious by now that a hero is made by a combination of inborn and suffered factors processed in a certain way plus a lot of hard work. This is a road where only strong motives take you anywhere. And I assure you, none of the real heroes wanted to become one, it is simply a by-product of their personal struggle for ‘higher justice’. This is usually a result of very tough experience you wouldn’t like to have.

For example: you most probably fantasised in youth how are you saving a beautiful princess, and she gratefully becomes your fiancée. But when an opportunity presented itself in real life, either the princess wasn't so beautiful, or the dragons were too big, or just your common sense got the better of you and you didn't see it as such opportunity at all. A hero most probably at the same age suffered from oppression by some bullies, abusive father or some illness and struggled to come to at least ground zero comparing to everyone else. Studying martial arts harder than anyone else in the group due to the topicality of self-defence, he probably achieved better success. A princess was saved by him only because he saw in her a kindred poor soul requiring protection he now could provide. And her love for him was just a typical mix of gratitude and admiration with power… Reality sucks ;)

That said you must also know that becoming your own hero takes as much or as little as dropping conditions (stop expecting anything) and making a decision to shape your life by yourself; you don't let obstacles stand in your way - you find a way around, over or under, or you move them, all while remaining in one piece (maintaining your integrity); you build yourself and your life, not follow its whims as a fallen leaf on the wind. Can you? You have to face it: if you could, you probably would.

So do not try to be a hero – be yourself. A hero too is someone who follows his own course in spite of the general current. He just isn’t one of the crowd driven by mere animal goals - eat, play, fuck…

Conclusion

All in all, heroes are half-grown selfless pure-hearted kids who went through hell and emerged in one piece, like a wood becoming diamond. Don't treat them poorly if you meet one. They are extremely rare and precious.