Many people
like watching or reading stuff about heroes, because it inspires them in some
ways – that bad things can be prevented from happening, lives can be saved,
odds can be beaten. But not many of them really give a thought to what it means
to be a hero. I will tell you.
The first
ting you need to understand is that heroes exist in real life. I know for sure
because I met one, for better or worse. Fiction authors aren't that good to
invent something non-existent, the more that you can basically see all the same
traits between them. While most of these traits faithfully describe
mandatory hero characteristics, they don’t usually give the whole picture. Due
to this heroes are seen in some kind of romantic haze. Well, let me bring you
back to earth. Life is always more complicated and interesting but also often
much more sad.
Here is
what you need to know about heroes, that is usually not part of the icon.
1. Heroes are abnormal
This should
be obvious, since they do all this crazy stuff despite and instead of their
best interests unlike everybody else living for their own one and only good.
The reason
probably lies somewhere in their childhood where there was no-one appreciating
them for the simple reason nobody could match their abilities, and that's the
very same reason they feel responsibility for everyone else, their lesser kin.
2. Heroes are unhappy
How could
anyone be happy without having a life of their own? Well, they don't and they are
not. Not in a conventional sense. They live for helping others, and draw
satisfaction from it, although the receiving party is rarely grateful, why –
below.
Of course,
they dream of personal happiness but with their conscience, they don't feel
like they deserve to be happy while there's any suffering around. And there is
always someone to save.
Although
this isn't statistical. For some reason they mostly attract (or seek?) troublesome
people and situations, much more than any average person.
Psychological
dissection says it's because they're unhappy with themselves and thus try to
fix everything outside. Although this is apparently due to a totally false
sense of fault, probably instilled in them at tender age by emotionally
dysfunctional parents, who didn't see the miracle they produced behind the
suffering in their own head, instilled by their own parents, and so on.
3. Heroes are usually poor
Because
it’s not a job that pays. And they don’t do it for money. For them it’s about
survival. Their own and the lucky ones who got their help.
Even you
wouldn’t care about comfort or money when your very life is in question. For
them it’s every day. So they get used to disregard their own needs, meaning
they can as easily disregard yours when it comes to anything above survival.
That also
means they are very low-maintenance people, which is good if you’d be the one
to maintain them, otherwise don’t expect much material support if you’re a
close one. Their mind is simply on much more crucial matters and menial daily
worries are really below them.
4. Heroes are aggressive
Aggression
is what it takes to beat the odds. Heroes don’t accept the situation, they try
to change it. And when they encounter resistance, they either break it or find
another way.
Aggression
is the attribute of expansion. In other terms, you cannot do it your way among
people without rebuffing a few expectations, or sometimes the source itself of
the most persistent ones. This is why kind people are most often offended –
because they take it. Heroes don’t. So you better behave around them ;)
5. Heroes aren’t fearless
Without
fear, providing the sense of danger, necessary to avoid it, nobody can survive
for long, just like without pain alarming you of the harm coming to your body.
Moreover,
fear is the flip side of anger, fuelled by the same hormones (adrenalin and noradrenalin)
differing only in proportions. So they can be mechanically switched by either
running or attacking the source of danger - the so-called "run or
fight" dichotomy.
Heroes face
their fear and are trained to turn it to aggression. Your instinct is run from
danger, theirs – towards it, to eliminate. They usually ride the adrenaline
waves very well, and in all probability, like it a lot. So when there is no
danger, they go out to find some.
6. Heroes are paranoid
First of
all, it’s a prerequisite for jobs like security or police – they constantly
scan the area for signs of danger. The resulting habit is called “professional
deformation” — occupational hazard. Only hero is not a job but a calling,
meaning this is 24/7.
We live in
a scary world, just most of us can afford to ignore it most of the time; they
can't. One cannot fight evil if he doesn’t see it. So they chose to not close
their eyes and saw the dark side of life; moreover they chose to deal with it.
They simply
know what can happen, but you would not believe them. You’d be too scared to
acknowledge some of this stuff exists at all, let alone in your immediate
vicinity. You wouldn’t be able to live with that knowledge. So, protected by
you subconscious from ever considering if any of this can be true, you gesture
“wacko” and call it paranoia.
Of course,
not every their concern turns out to be justified, but if they didn’t have
them, it would be too easy to catch them off guard and – boom, dead hero. As it
was said somewhere: “If you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean you aren’t being
followed”.
7. Heroes are ruthless
Taking
responsibility for other people requires selflessness. But it isn’t kindness. Responsiveness
to others people's troubles is necessary to fulfil their heroic purpose, but
that’s it. That’s the limit of their sensibility.
Mercy is a
virtue they can't afford. Not in action. They may feel sorry for a bad guy they
are about to take down, but they cannot let him go, because he'll do more harm.
They have to do the right thing, no matter the feelings, theirs or yours.
Their
solutions won’t be kind but they will be efficient. They cannot afford to
compromise. They cannot take into account everybody’s interests, only rights.
And that brings us to justice – not for one person but for all. But you won’t
appreciate it because you can't see the whole picture, past a single’s person
interests (usually yours). So you will typically call them cruel, even if it’s
your right they restore.
There is a
Russian saying comparing exaggerated mercy to cutting dog's mutilated tale off
by pieces. That’s what you often do without even realising it, say, when you
want to break up with someone but avoid telling them so, from fear to invoke
anger and suffer some scenes. Heroes don’t have that problem, as they are
proficient in making choices between poor and worse and picking the lesser of
terrible sacrifices in situations where you would be paralysed by any of the
options.
8. Heroes are despots
They are
hyper-responsible. Meaning, normally we should be responsible for our own
actions and that’s it. But heroes feel responsibility for people around because
they can protect them. So they take responsibility for them and that
engenders expectations from their part, even demands – to not complicate their
protective efforts, at least, or to appreciate it, at most. But since other
people usually didn’t ask for it, they may feel somewhat hijacked.
All the
more that, in order to protect, they need to control the circumstances, which
means they need to control you – where you are, what you do, what you wear, who
do you talk to and how and so on. Many people will find it being an invasion of
privacy, violation of personal space, or just plainly annoying (depending on
your preferred or available level of putting it). But that's the price you pay
for someone else taking care of your safety, which would be plainly stated in a
written contract if you were to hire someone for this purpose, or if we’d like
to remember our childhood ;)
9. Heroes are cocky
They are
smart. Their instantaneous decisions must take into account most possible
options and outcomes, as close to reality as possible, otherwise they wouldn't
survive for long in this line of work. And smart people are often either
condescending or scornful in everyday talks.
They are
quick. They don’t hesitate. It is crucial for them to take decisions quickly
and act upon them instantaneously without second-guessing, because their life
and sometimes the lives of others depend on it. But it means verbal retaliation
will be just as fast and unpleasant. You stand no chance.
They are
bold. Tactical advantage is often gained via risky unexpected actions,
especially while at disadvantage, which is often the case with heroes and they
know how to surprise very well. Obviously they use this skill in everyday life too
and may easily take you to the cleaners.
They are
successful in achieving their goals. Otherwise they would be dead. And these
are no mere shopping goals. Such results add real weight to their
self-confidence. If you don’t like presumptuous, they’re your worst nightmare.
10. Heroes are unreachable
They are
very sensitive. It is part of intelligence required to quickly build strategies
they absolutely need to survive. But it makes them vulnerable, they know it and
this is why they usually don't let anyone too close.
This
sensitivity makes them able to connect to people directly and deeply – to
evaluate them, among other things, and they can show genuine candidness to an
almost complete stranger. But make no mistake - the moment you try to set foot
on their private territory you will be shut off and none of your usual
half-instinctive moves will work because for them it's like undergraduate
pick-pocket to a con-artist of the highest class.
The only
exception if they really like you and don't mind a shag, they will let you play
it, but it's always time limited because - see above - not too interested in
usual pleasures of life. They don't mind them, of course, but relationships
tend to yield complications and that is a hindrance to their mission, and
comparing to their usual level of decisions, even no sacrifice at all.
11. Heroes are lonely
They can
rely only on themselves, because they can handle problems better than anyone
around. Also because people around look up to them or rely on them. What’s
worse – many folks try to use them, make such an excellent resource work for
their benefit. They don’t really see the person who hurts no less than anyone,
but is just better at handling it, like at everything else…
Nobody from
their surroundings can really understand them because nobody matches their
abilities and nobody went through the same.
Nobody’s
gone that far, had to re-evaluate everything that’s usually taught, adjust it
to reality.
Nobody’s
taken such responsibilities or decisions, nor lived with the consequences of
those.
And nobody
has such high standards and principles, so their loyalty gets often repaid with
formal betrayal although it’s just people thinking only of themselves. At the
very least, even grateful people can never repay them with the same
self-sacrifice. That is part of the deal – hero is a giver, not taker.
And even if
a good appreciating person comes their way, they often have to rebuff them.
Firstly, because they believe they have no right for happiness. Secondly,
because they believe they don’t deserve it after all they had to do on their
path. Thirdly, because they lead a dangerous life and cannot put someone good
in danger via closeness to them. Not to mention creating such a vulnerability
as someone they really care about, would be very unwise.
12. Heroes are hated
There are
enough reasons for bad feelings listed above but it’s not a complete list.
People fear
them because of their power.
People are
jealous of their brilliance.
People
judge them for sticking out of the crowd and not following general levelling
rules.
People
curse them for doing the right things correcting their wrong.
Finally,
the very people they help sometimes blame them for something ridiculous just
because the measure of good done to them surpasses their ability for gratitude
and their only choice remains to find any fault which would relieve them from
the need to feel grateful (happens a lot!).
13. Heroes will kick your ass
Practice
make masters, and they do it a lot. Not because they have a strong will - they
have literally nothing better to do than save someone and perfect their skills
in the meantime. There is nothing quite as interesting for them.
We, the
bystanders, entertain ourselves mostly with games, but they aren't for real.
Once you know the taste of real achievements, you can never be satisfied with
simulations. That's why.
Since they
spend most of their time perfecting their skills, they often achieve
performance, which could seem almost supernatural, although it's nothing you
and I wouldn't be able to do, had we given it nearly as much time. Many
geniuses said it's only 5% talent and 95% hard work. You can figure from that how
many chances you stand against them.
14. Heroes will steal your heart
They are
more free than you and I coz they get to do all this real stuff at the edge of
life and death. Free people better express themselves and it’s like a bright
light in a fog of average frogs.
Achievements
give power and power attracts people, and the power ‘over death’ – much more
than just money or authority. Toss in the integrity of a true hero and that
makes an almost inescapable trap.
Why do you
think we like so much movies and series about them? Now imagine you met one
like this in real life. You're better off, because afterwards normal people
will be too pale for you.
15. You cannot become a hero because you
wish so
It should
be obvious by now that a hero is made by a combination of inborn and suffered
factors processed in a certain way plus a lot of hard work. This is a road
where only strong motives take you anywhere. And I assure you, none of the real
heroes wanted to become one, it is simply a by-product of their personal
struggle for ‘higher justice’. This is usually a result of very tough
experience you wouldn’t like to have.
For example:
you most probably fantasised in youth how are you saving a beautiful princess,
and she gratefully becomes your fiancée. But when an opportunity presented
itself in real life, either the princess wasn't so beautiful, or the dragons
were too big, or just your common sense got the better of you and you didn't
see it as such opportunity at all. A hero most probably at the same age
suffered from oppression by some bullies, abusive father or some illness and
struggled to come to at least ground zero comparing to everyone else. Studying
martial arts harder than anyone else in the group due to the topicality of
self-defence, he probably achieved better success. A princess was saved by him
only because he saw in her a kindred poor soul requiring protection he now
could provide. And her love for him was just a typical mix of gratitude and
admiration with power… Reality sucks ;)
That said
you must also know that becoming your own hero takes as much or as little as
dropping conditions (stop expecting anything) and making a decision to shape
your life by yourself; you don't let obstacles stand in your way - you find a
way around, over or under, or you move them, all while remaining in one piece
(maintaining your integrity); you build yourself and your life, not follow its
whims as a fallen leaf on the wind. Can you? You have to face it: if you could,
you probably would.
So do not
try to be a hero – be yourself. A hero too is someone who follows his own
course in spite of the general current. He just isn’t one of the crowd driven
by mere animal goals - eat, play, fuck…
Conclusion
All in all,
heroes are half-grown selfless pure-hearted kids who went through hell and
emerged in one piece, like a wood becoming diamond. Don't treat them poorly if
you meet one. They are extremely rare and precious.
